GET IT DONE: Counter Your Critics

BY BARBARA BALLINGER

Learn from biting criticism

There’s nothing more deflating than a workplace reprimand. What do you do when your broker sharply criticizes your decreased number of listings, tardiness, or attire?

How do you respond to a stressed colleague who misinterprets your kindness toward his client as poaching and lashes out? Don’t get defensive. Coping with criticism means knowing that the only person you control is you, says Janelle Hail, the founder of a national nonprofit organization, who says she’s worked with thousands of stressed individuals over the past 12 years. Over time she’s developed strategies to deal with painful criticism. Her recommendations to foster healthy workplace relationships will put the smile back on your face and the focus on your productivity.

1. Write down the criticism. You’ve probably repeated the painful words many times. By listing them exactly as they were spoken, you neutralize the words and view them more objectively.

2. Jot down your criticizer’s name. This will help you isolate the person who lobbed the criticism from everyone else. “You don’t want to start thinking that everybody thinks the same way,” says Hail, CEO of the National Breast Cancer Foundation in Addison, Texas. “The criticism may represent an isolated case.”

3. Listen to what others say about you. You don’t need to go around taking surveys of others’ opinions of you, but you should raise your listening antennae to what others say about you and your work.

4. Perform a reality check. Is there a pattern to people’s comments that matches the criticism you wrote down? If not, you may need to counter the faulty perception with a low-key personal public relations campaign. If you’re viewed as abrupt, for instance, show how you can be patient. But if there are kernels of truth to the criticism, you need to know more.

5. Engage your critic in a calm, thoughtful conversation. You’ll need to gather more information to better understand the other person’s point of view. Having such a conversation requires skillful listening. Sometimes we think we’ve heard what was said but we haven’t or we’ve taken the words out of context, Hail says. She suggests mirroring your critic’s words and asking if you understand the context correctly: “Say, ‘I’m not sure I heard you correctly. Are these the words you said?’ Also ask, ‘Is this the message you intended?’”

6. Learn from your experience. Ideally, the conversation with your critic will lead to greater self-awareness and a chance to improve your work habits or behavior. And the next time you’re criticized, you’ll be better able to take charge of your emotions, avoid allowing hurtful thoughts to fester, and be prepared to offer your viewpoint calmly and professionally.

And you thought only knights had shields of armor.