In the Trenches captures the odd and funny incidents that invariably happen in real estate. Here are the stories submitted this month from real estate professionals all over the country. Don't forget to submit your own funny story!

July 2007

Cheap Thrills in Real Estate

I recently purchased 10 “800” numbers to offer 24-hour recorded messages for my listings. When one of the numbers is called, a text message is sent to my cell phone and e-mail to notify me one of the numbers was called. I promoted the phone numbers on sign riders at my listings and anxiously waited for messages from people who were using my new service.

A week went by — no calls.

Another week, still no calls.

Finally, my cell phone rang with someone inquiring about one of my listings.

“Is this a joke?” the lady asked.

“No, it is not a joke,” I responded. “The home is a lovely restored cottage in an historic area.”

That’s not what she was talking about. Apparently, the caller had first tried reaching me through one of the 800 numbers that I was so proudly, prominently advertising on my signs. But rather than directing the call to me, the 800 number was actually sending her — and others, undoubtedly — to a different company that promised “Cheap thrills for 99 cents a minute!”

— Gloria L. Wade, ABR®, Keller Williams Realty, Hendersonville, Tenn.

Drop the Pretzel and Back Away

Hosting an open house on an empty stomach is not a good idea, trust me. Not too long ago I agreed to help out a fellow agent by sitting at his open house all day. But the morning of the open house I was running late and I didn’t have time to grab anything to eat.

A few hours went by, and suddenly, a loud, long groaning noise rumbled from my stomach. I didn’t want others to hear, so I thought I’d sneak a snack. I spotted a jar of pretzels on the kitchen counter. Nobody was looking. Should I or shouldn’t I? My stomach growled again. I reached in the jar and as I yanked one out, I heard a buzzing noise behind me.

I slowly turned around, pretzel in hand, only to find that a remote camera on the kitchen island was pointed directly at me. I stepped to the left, and it turned left. I stepped to the right, and it followed me right.

Finally, I dropped to my knees and worked my way around the island, careful to stay hidden from the camera. I heard the camera’s motor moving back and forth unable to detect me. Ha!

Then it struck me: What in the world am I doing? I'm not a criminal. I’m just a hungry real estate agent who forgot to bring a lunch! Nevertheless, I steered clear of the pretzel jar for the rest of the open house.

The next day I confessed to the listing agent about my pretzel “sampling” mission. The listing agent laughed; he told me the camera was only a toy and couldn’t even record anything. I starved for nothing.

— Bret White, Coldwell Banker Bain, Lynnwood, Wash.

The Invisible Seller

A few years ago, I was out home-shopping with my stepfather, who was serving as my real estate agent since I was not yet licensed. The listing agent warned him that one of the homes was being sold due to a divorce, and that the wife had been behaving quite strangely. More specifically, she often hid inside the home while prospective buyers toured it.

We approached the home cautiously. A car was parked in the driveway. But no one answered when we rang the doorbell. Could she be there? My stepfather used the key, and we went inside. A woman’s purse and keys were sitting on the hall table. She had to be there.

"Hello....hello?" we called out. No one answered.

We slowly walked from room to room. We opened a closet, I held my breath. She wasn’t there. We combed through every square inch of that home and looked in every closet and crawl space — where was she? We never did find her. But we knew she was there, somewhere, watching us.

— Pamela Frey-Primiani, Coldwell Banker Elite REALTORS®, Medford, N.J.

The above submissions are actual stories submitted by readers. They’ve been edited for clarity and style.

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