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|  Open Houses General Business Guerilla Marketing Buyers . . . Beware Sorry, Right Number Showing Nightmares Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm Property Management Issues Life with Animals The Darndest Things Mistaken Identities Home Improvement Cops! Car Trouble More Resources: Running Great Meetings Facilitator References | Humorous Anecdotes: Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm A closed mouth gathers no feet. It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere. Source: comedycenter.com An Orwellian View of Real Estate in the New Millennium When I first waded into real estate brokerage waters in the late '40s, MLS and "lady real estate men" were just catching on, and the license exam was a not-too-daunting intelligence test ("Black is to white as night is to -------"). One of the hot "computerization" products was a stack of listing cards that had holes or notches around the perimeters; selections were made with an ice-pick-like device that let you lift from the files only the cards with holes and ignored those with notches. Before you snicker, consider that today's Pentium Powerhouses do pretty much the same thing, only faster and without the ice pick. My first sale was a $7,500 row house, and the entire contract was printed on one side of a single sheet of paper. Closing costs were less than $300, and except for a $15 appraisal, there were no inspections. This was the era of caveat emptor, a time-honored doctrine destined to be replaced by venite advocati (O come, all ye lawyers). Sellers often noted with pride that their homes were protected by the finest Dutch Boy lead paint. Ah, the innocence and simplicity of those days. Now a question comes to mind: Who will be the heroes of the zeros as we zoom toward the new millennium? Keeping in mind present trends, ponder the potential real estate news stories of the next century: Joseph P. Klock, CRB, CRS® Last Laughs Milton E. Morris' dad, Paul, was a veteran South Easton, Mass., real estate professional who, according to Milton, could sell the proverbial ice cube to an Eskimo. The senior Morris died last year. But he left with one last laugh. At the end of the burial, the funeral director stayed behind to wrap up some details at the cemetery. When he opened his wallet to compensate the cemetery workers, a gust of wind came up and blew some cash into the open grave. The director stood there pondering what to do until his assistant said, "You better leave it there. Only Paul Morris could find a way to get a commission on this piece of land." --Christina Hoffmann Spira Clowning Around on the Job Several years ago I was to be a clown in the town’s Halloween parade. Unfortunately, I had a closing the morning of the parade, and the only way I could be at the parade on time was to go to the closing dressed in my costume. Before I went to the closing, I told the seller what I’d be wearing. He said he didn’t mind, and as I presented him with the check, he said, “I’ve received checks from a lot of clowns in my lifetime, but you’re the first one who came dressed for the occasion.” Katheryn Provencher Provencher Realty West Point, Mass. One Pest Moves Out . . . The seller of one of my listings was trying to squeeze every nickel out of the transaction. After lengthy negotiations, we faced the last obstacle—termites and powder post beetles inhabiting the house. Naturally, the seller wanted to fix the problem on the cheap, but the buyer wanted a first-class treatment. I had several testy conversations with the seller, reminding him of his obligation to exterminate the bugs. During one of the calls, he commented dryly, “I thought the contract required us to reduce or eliminate pests, not bring more of them into the house!” I was baffled by his comment. But when I reread the contract, I noticed the buyers’ name—Roach. John Momm Long & Foster, REALTORS® Burke, Va. Go for the Close A young woman made an appointment for an interview with a prestigious corporation. She asked whether she could get into its well-respected training program. The very busy personnel manager, besieged by applications, said, ''Impossible now. Come back in 10 years.'' The applicant responded, ''Would morning or afternoon be better?'' From The Executive Speechwriter Newsletter, St. Johnsbury, Vt. --Christina Hoffmann Spira Property Management Issues The Great Sock Caper Property manager Jill Bain, of Perry & Co., Denver, had one of those special tenants who think the world is out to get them. "He was doing his wash in the laundry room one day when he discovered he had lost a sock—something that had never happened to anyone else before," she notes tongue in cheek. "He was so upset he let the on-site manager know that if the person who had stolen his sock would return it, anonymously, of course, he wouldn't press charges." The tenant then proceeded to post notices around the complex asking for the return of his sock. "A few days later, I received a ransom note in the mail, presumably from another tenant," Bain recalls. The note, made of letters clipped from magazines, read "If you ever want to see your sock again, leave lots of money in the dryer." --Christina Hoffmann Spira Humor, next page > | |