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|  Open Houses General Business Guerilla Marketing Buyers . . . Beware Sorry, Right Number Showing Nightmares Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm Property Management Issues Life with Animals The Darndest Things Mistaken Identities Home Improvement Cops! Car Trouble More Resources: Running Great Meetings Facilitator References | Humorous Anecdotes: Home Improvement Rich Folks Are Different From You 'n' Me One thing you can say about very rich people is that they never run out of ways to spend their money. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the latest residential must-haves for the highbrow set include Industrial refrigerators with glass doors-To gawk at how much lobster Newburg they have? A car wash in the garage-So the chauffeur doesn't have to schlep to a public gas station? Closets with motorized clothing racks, the kind your dry cleaner has-So they can locate their Prada or Versace outfits minutes before that big bash in the Hamptons? Heated sidewalks-The perfect insurance against a winter slip-and-fall lawsuit? --Christina Hoffmann Spira No Shoe Space, No Sale Mary Zentz, Century 21-CPH Partners, Rolling Meadows, Ill., was working with a stylish, single woman buyer. "Her greatest needs were generous closets and a garage for her sports car," Zentz says. In keeping with those needs, Zentz showed her a "spectacular" home overlooking a golf course, but the buyer wasn't convinced. "The three full-size closets in the master bedroom weren't big enough for her shoe collection," Zentz recalls. Since the kitchen cabinets were far more generous than the buyer needed, Zentz dramatically opened one and said, "Perfect for shoes." That did it. They wrote up a contract. Goes to show: Never discount any potential selling point. --Christina Hoffmann Spira A Hot Property How do you accurately describe a fire-damaged listing in an ad and still make the house sound like a prime real estate opportunity? That's what Alice Noyes, of Choice Realty, Manchester, N.H., wondered after she inherited a four-floor listing that, because of a fire, was two floors minus a roof. After many rough drafts, another salesperson came up with this: "Manchester . . . spectacular charcoal four-floor with passive solar heat, natural air-conditioning, sunken living rooms, exposed beams, open hearth. First floor features open-concept living; second floor features celestial view. Apartment living with a toasty home atmosphere. Sound good? House damaged by fire . . . $13,000." The ad generated 80 calls, and the property sold. Unfortunately, we probably can't use the ad again," Noyes says.--Christina Hoffmann Spira Next Time, Take the Stairs One day during my first year in real estate, I was showing houses to a young couple. At one home, the seller showed us in and then remained in the living room reading while I showed the couple through the home. We ended our tour in the kitchen where I began to point out the room’s finer features. But without my knowing it, the husband had found the stairway to the attic. Before I could utter a word, he had made it upstairs. Next I heard a crash and then shrieking from the living room. When I peered around the kitchen doorway, I saw the seller with her hands over her head as two feet dangled in front of her face from a hole in the ceiling. Fortunately the prospect wasn’t hurt. He hurried down from the attic and out the front door with his wife. The seller was insured, and she sold her home after having the ceiling repaired. Weeks later, the buyers bought a house with no stairs. “Fewer surprises that way,” they said. Gary W. Kiefer Kiefer Real Estate Aurora, Ill. So Much for That Problem While showing a prime riverfront lot to potential buyers, I explained that the dock we were looking at was badly in need of repairs. As if on cue, the dock broke loose and floated down the river! Craig E. Hoffarth Emerald Coast Realty Yachats, Ore. One Hot Property As a buyer and I reached the third floor of a building where I had a condominium listed, we heard the sound of running water. When we got inside the unit, we noticed that the floor was wet, and I suspected that the water heater was leaking. Sure enough, the closet that contained the heater was swollen shut with moisture. I yanked at the knob as hard as I could. The door popped open, and flames leaped out at me! The gas line had broken loose. I slammed the door shut and ran from the building with the buyer to call the fire department. As we waited for the firefighters to arrive, I looked at the buyer and said, “Isn’t this a great property?” To my amazement, she replied, “I love it!” So I shot back, “We better write a contract while it’s still standing!” She agreed, and I prepared the contract. Later that day, I called the condo owner. “I have bad news and good news,” I said. “The bad news is that there was a fire in your condo. The good news is that I sold it before the fire department arrived.” Bill Heinrich Tahoe North Realty Incline Village, Nev. So Much for That Amenity I once showed a couple a starter home that seemed to meet their needs. As I led them through the kitchen toward the sunroom, I said, “The sunroom will be a wonderful area for the children,” and then opened the door. The next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the ground outside amid building debris. I finally said, “It appears the sunroom has been torn off,” and surprisingly the buyers didn’t ask me to explain further. Later that day my broker told me that the owner, a builder, had pulled the house off the market the day before to remodel it. Fortunately, I was able to sell the buyers another house. Carolyn Nichols Wimberley Land Co. Wimberley, Texas Now You See Him, Now You Don’t While showing a home to a couple, I had a most unusual experience. I opened the closet door in the master bedroom and walked in to turn on the light when suddenly I disappeared. The next thing I knew, I woke up stunned in the basement, with the prospects fanning my face. Apparently, termites had eaten the hardwood floor in the closet. All that was left was the varnish. So when I stepped into the closet, I fell right through to the basement. To this day, my friends and colleagues call me the disappearing salesperson. Jack E. Fraley Burr Butler Insurance and Real Estate Dodge City, Kan. That Paint Job Won’t Increase the Value I was showing a house, and the buyer decided to look at the attic. He climbed up through a hole in the ceiling of the bedroom closet. Suddenly I heard a loud crash and saw the buyer on the floor scooping up gray paint. There was also paint on the ceiling, walls, drapes and bed—even behind the dresser. I couldn’t believe how paint could fly. Evidently, there had been two gallons of paint on the top shelf of the closet, and the buyer had knocked them off when he climbed out of the attic. I quickly went to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. But knowing we couldn’t clean up all the paint, I said to the buyer, “You’re going to buy this house, aren’t you?” He said yes, and after we had cleaned up most of the paint, we wrote a full price offer. I then called the listing salesperson and told her that I had some good news and some bad news. Wendy Lasko Coldwell Banker—Lake and Country, REALTORS Twin Lakes, Wis. Strong Walls Made a Fool of Me While I was showing an older home, I explained how older homes are built like rocks, with strong walls and good insulation. As I said “strong walls,” I tapped the bathroom wall with my foot and found my leg buried to the knee in dry rot. After some serious renovation, the house did sell. Maya Grau Byers & Harvey, REALTORS® Clarksville, Tenn. 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