REALTOR® Magazine Online: Tips for Better Listening

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Tips for Better Listening

Listening should be an active, rather than a passive activity.

Actively check your understanding of the speaker's message. Restate or paraphrase what you've heard to make sure you've understood what the other person is saying. Don't evaluate ideas until you're sure that you understand them.
Avoid judging or negatively labeling people. Recognize your own prejudices. If you prejudge someone as incompetent or uninformed, you won't pay attention to what they have to say. Withhold judgment until after you've heard and evaluated their message’s content.
Avoid anticipating what the other person will say next. When you anticipate, you stop listening. Focus your attention on the present to truly hear what the other person is saying.
Avoid competitive listening in which you are more interested in promoting your own view than understanding the other person's. Mentally arguing, listening for weak points to attack, or mentally formulating your rebuttal prevents you from hearing what is being said.
Listen for and respond to the emotion behind the words. Is the speaker angry? Frustrated? Looking for encouragement? You can only understand the real message if you get to the emotion behind it.
Don't take notes on everything. You may miss important, nonverbal cues and you might distract speakers or make them uncomfortable, inhibiting discussion. It's also harder to focus on what you're hearing while you’re writing.
Portions adapted from “Active listening is more than just hearing,” Roland B. Cousins, Supervision, September 2000.

Nonverbal Clues in Communication

Nonverbal signals are four and one-half times more effective in conveying meaning than verbal ones, according to Professor John Argyle, author of The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals. If there is a discrepancy between a person's words and body language, listen to the body language. If it is signaling that the person is negative, defensive, or bored, you know you need to change your approach.

Look for these nonverbal clues:
Eye behavior and eye contact
Looking at the other person during a conversation indicates enthusiasm and liking. People who maintain eye contact when communicating are perceived as competent and trustworthy.

Averting eyes, shifting eyes, excessive blinking, or looking at notes for extended periods of time all lower credibility.

Gestures
Gestures should agree with vocal messages and seem spontaneous and natural. Unnatural movements--touching one's body, playing with objects such as pens, finger tapping, lip licking, smiling too often--indicate discomfort and a lack of confidence.

Showing the palms of the hands as you speak emphasizes the truthfulness of what you're saying. Moving hands with the palm down adds authority, while making a fist conveys anger and aggression.

Posture
The most comfortable distance between two people is just less than two feet. When a person moves closer than this, he or she is behaving aggressively, threatening or attempting to dominate the other person.

Closed postures with folded arms and crossed legs can indicate defensiveness or a lack of confidence.
An open posture, with arms spread in relaxed manner, signals confidence.
Crossing arms (defensive) combined with leaning back can indicate skepticism or superiority.
Turning the body slightly away indicates rejection.
Sitting on the edge of the chair shows a readiness to act, either positively or negatively.

Voice
A communicator's voice affects listeners’ perceptions. Factors such as volume, rate, pitch, and pronunciation make a strong impression.

Volume: A weak voice is perceived as lacking confidence and lowers credibility. A confident voice enhances credibility.
Rate: If you speak too slowly, listeners will lose interest and rendering your message unintelligible.
Pitch: Changes in pitch make the speaker sound more colorful and dynamic. A monotonous pitch harms credibility.
Pronunciation is vital to credibility. People with poor pronunciation are perceived as lower in competence.

4 Professional Persuasion Tips

Leaders spend a lot of time convincing others to accept new ideas or do the tasks necessary to make those ideas realities. Try these persuasion strategies with your sales associates or employees.
1. Build credibility. No matter how good your idea, no one will be convinced if they don’t trust you or think you’re manipulating them.
2. Find common ground. People need to see how an idea will meet their wants and needs—the “ what’s in it for me” approach. Take time to understand how your idea will benefit your listeners; otherwise, your message may fall on deaf ears. ]
3. Develop compelling positions, and support them with evidence. Focus your presentation only on key points that will convince your listeners; don’t worry about what convinced you.
4. Connect emotionally. No matter how good your evidence, most people make decisions based on emotion. If you excite them and create a sense of urgency, you’re half way there.

Adapted from “Winning them over,” Jay A. Conger, Executive Excellence, May 2000.

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