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REALTOR® Emeritus | | Prepackaged Sales Meetings Facilitator Resources | | ||
|  Open Houses General Business Guerilla Marketing Buyers . . . Beware Sorry, Right Number Showing Nightmares Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm Property Management Issues Life with Animals The Darndest Things Mistaken Identities Home Improvement Cops! Car Trouble More Resources: Running Great Meetings Facilitator References | Humorous Anecdotes: The Darndest Things The Mysterious Dr. Chan After an intense first week learning the MLS and its inventory, a rookie salesperson returned to her office, Ralph La Torraca, REALTORS®, Bloomfield, N.J., with a burning question, recalls salesperson Joyce O'Haus. "Who's Dr. Chan?" the salesperson wanted to know. "He must own a lot of property, because his name is on almost every listing." Curious, O'Haus and her colleagues checked the MLS for themselves. As it turns out, Dr. Chan isn't a person but a convenient way to abbreviate "dining room chandelier." --Christina Hoffmann Spira An Acronym by Any Other Name . . . How's this for miscommunication? ''A colleague encouraged a new buyer to schedule a mortgage application meeting and bring his CD information to our office for the appointment,'' recalls salesperson Marie Welsh, of Burgdorff, REALTORS, Summit, N.J. ''At the appointed hour he appeared--lugging a big box of his compact discs.'' --Christina Hoffmann Spira Grammar, Anyone? Humor can be an effective marketing strategy, unless you don't realize you're being funny. Get a load of the marketing blunders we came across recently while surfing the Internet: Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled in inconvenience. Auto repair service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. For rent: 6-room hated apartment. Illiterate? Write today for free help. For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. --Christina Hoffmann Spira People Say the Darndest Things! Fred Kortepeter, Sycamore Group, REALTORS®, Indianapolis, passed along these gaffes and comments he's gathered from listing sheets over the years. Sellers to keep all flooring. One-owner condom near lake. Exclude basement, as it is a family heirloom. Priced for quick sale! (House had been on the market 15 months.) Mirror over fireplace and roof don't stay. Four acres on large lot. Defects: Neighbors' septic tank stinks in the summer. Watch for snake in the driveway. Don't run over it. Third-floor walk-up apartment: Great for getting rid of in-laws. Dog bites. Don't go in the house. Walls to be replaced. Reason selling: Moving. --Elyse Umlauf Garneau Any Side Dishes With That Wood, Sir? Some concepts just confuse people, discovered one salesperson in Eddie Brown's office—Prudential Carolinas Realty, Raleigh, N.C. "Wouldn't it be cheaper to just buy them another cord of wood when they're done eating this one?" That's what one seller said to a pest control expert who recommended treating the whole house after discovering termites in a stack of wood near the home. You've Got Some Explaining to Do Bob Meling's wife recently met him at the door when he arrived home and demanded, "Who is this Princess who wants you to call her tonight?" The salesperson with Monmouth Farm & Home Realty, Monmouth, Ill., couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Then he realized it was one of his prospects, Mrs. Prince, who had left a message saying, "Please call the Princes." --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau You Just Can't Get Good Help These Days Investor's Realty Inc., Murphy, N.C., placed an ad for office help in the local newspaper. The ad was supposed to read "nonsmoking environment," but thanks to a misprint, it read "nonsmoking involvement." Here's one response the company received: I'm very much interested in an office liaison that's nonsmoking. Although I sometimes enjoy a good cigarette after the involvement, I can refrain if so requested. Will I have the chance to pick my own partner, or do I draw a name from a hat? Although I have some experience in this line of work, I'm very willing to be involved and learn what I can to better my career. --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau What's In a Name? Marketing gimmicks and mix-ups, according to those who responded to a REALTOR®Magazine solicitation for unusual names. * Call Pronto! Brenda Pronto, that is. After hearing, ''Is that your name, or do you want them to call you back . . . pronto?'' just about every time she left a phone message, Pronto, a salesperson with Gateway Realty Inc., Herndon, Va., decided to work her name--and some urgency--into her newspaper ads, mailings, and other marketing materials. * Another salesperson disliked his name as a child and actually planned to change it. But once he got into real estate, he realized its priceless icebreaker benefits. ''It seems the only time my name doesn't generate comments is when I stay home,'' says singer . . . that is, practitioner Glynn Campbell, Emerald Coast Realty, Panama City Beach, Fla., who has endured such questions and demands as, ''Are you the real Glenn Campbell?'' ''Are you the rhinestone cowboy?'' and ''Sing me a song.'' * Salesperson Gaye Tucker-Jones, Coldwell Banker--Gerri Murphy Realty, Conyers, Ga., had instructed a transferee to meet her in the lobby of his hotel. When he got to the lobby, he walked up to a woman in a business suit and asked her whether she was Gaye. ''Apparently, she was quite surprised by the question, and he was thoroughly embarrassed,'' Tucker-Jones recalls. Now her business cards have her picture on them. * Sharon Palise (pronounced pa-lease) has stopped a few hearts when making calls. On more than one occasion, the Dearborn, Mich.—based Century 21--Curran and Johnson Inc. salesperson says she has heard a client's or customer's child tell Mom the police are on the line. ''When I assure them it's just Sharon, the message sometimes becomes, 'It's the sheriff,''' she says. * One practitioner, Jake Drake, Ferndale Real Estate, Ferndale, Calif., says the rhyming name usually elicits a reaction--''doubly so when people meet me and discover I'm a woman.'' --Christina Hoffmann Spira Where Does God Dwell? When Essie Cole, a salesperson with Fiola Blum Inc., Baltimore, was working on a contract for a house, the prospect's four-year-old son said wistfully, "It's a shame about God." Surprised by his remark, Cole asked the boy what he meant. He looked at his mother and said, "When I asked you where God is, you said he's in our old house. When we move, maybe he won't be able to find me." Cole wisely left that explanation to the boy's parents. --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau In Plane Sight One day I went to a seller’s home to perform a market analysis. When I got there, I found the house to be in immaculate condition. Everything was in its proper place. As the seller showed me around the house, he told me stories about all the Word War II memorabilia that he had proudly displayed. And when we got back to the living room, I noticed a model airplane on the television. He explained the plane’s value, and then I saw two unusual items under it that looked like rocks. I assumed they had something to do with the plane. Curious, I picked one up and asked, “What are these?” “My hearing aids,” he replied. “I don’t like to wear them very much.” What an Offer! After I showed several town homes to a woman, she found one that met her needs and decided to make an offer. I explained that I wanted to present the contract that night because lots of buyers had looked at the home and I was afraid someone else would make an offer first. When I completed the contact at 9:14 P.M., I called to ask whether she could review and sign it right away. She told me that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to because she liked to go to bed by ten.Still determined to present the offer before anyone else beat me to it, I blurted out, “Don’t worry, I’ll have you in bed by ten.” There was a pause, and then we both burst out laughing. Embarrassed, I explained I’d leave before ten so that she could go to bed. She signed the contract that night, and the sellers accepted her offer. Ben Henry Prudential Florida Realty Jupiter, Fla How About Some Service? While I was attending an Association conference in Washington, D.C., I had dinner with colleagues at a local restaurant. Unfortunately, everything seemed to go wrong. The room was too cold, the service was slow, and when the dinners arrived, the roast beef was terribly undercooked. The entrees that some people had sent back to the kitchen were brought back to the table just as most of us were ordering dessert. The gentleman next to me ordered “chocolate ice cream and coffee with Bailey’s on the side.” That sounded good to me—and hard to mess up—so I asked for the same. Imagine the surprise when the waiter returned and, with a smile and a flourish, served us our coffee—with two bay leaves on the side! Jerry Hostetler John Hall and Associates Phoenix Too Good to Be True Once I worked with a couple moving to the United States from Germany. Before moving here permanently, however, they had to go back to Germany for six months. A month after the couple had returned to Europe, I received a box with a beautiful tapestry from them. What a nice gift! My wife and I hung it in our house, and I wrote the buyers a thank-you note. The next day, another box arrived from Germany; that one contained a lamp. Two days later, there were four more boxes. I thought, “Gosh, they really appreciate what I did for them.” But the office secretary said, “You’re not that good.” Then I remembered a letter the buyers had sent several weeks earlier asking whether they could send me some boxes for safekeeping until they moved. I wondered what the buyers had thought when they read my thank-you letter. I wrote a letter of explanation, and I was sure they’d appreciate the humor of it all. At the same time, though, I was glad the real estate end of the deal had already closed! Bill Temaat Coldwell Banker—Coast to Coast Realty Colorado Springs, Colo. Not Just Any License Will Do To recruit new salespeople means screening hundreds of callers who respond to our company’s ads. On one occasion, a person called whose English wasn’t easy to understand. I started to explain our licensing program, but he interrupted me and said he already had his license. So I described our wonderful salesperson training program. But after several minutes, it dawned on me that his license might be from another country. I asked where he got his license. He proudly answered, “The DMV [the department of motor vehicles].” Karen Morioka Mason-McDuffle Real Estate Inc. Orinda, Calif. False Advertising When it was my turn to use our company’s 20-foot-high outdoor advertising board, I thought I had written an ideal slogan. It read “Fully House-Trained” and included my name and number. Shortly after my slogan appeared, I received a call. Instead of asking about my expertise in real estate, the person said, “I know it’s house-trained, but what kind of dog are you selling?” Joyce Thompson Greemann Real Estate, Inc. Seymour, Ind. Mistaken Identities Sell Now, Ask Questions Later Gini Sunnergren was showing property to a prospect in a neighborhood where house numbers and other markers are frequently missing. In fact, the Truckee, Calif.—based Prudential California Realty salesperson noted that the MLS comments for one house she wanted to show read "No sign on property." "At the property, we asked the elderly man who opened the door whether we could look at his home," says Sunnergren. "He studied my card and said OK." In the kitchen, the buyer asked whether the refrigerator was included in the sale. "I asked the owner, who was following us closely, whether he'd be willing to leave the refrigerator," Sunnergren recalls. The owner looked puzzled, and his question erased any doubt about why. "Do I have to sell my house?" he asked timidly. Sunnergren, recognizing the familiar signs of mistaken house identity, assured him he did not. --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau Rendezvous Listing At a listing appointment last summer, Guy Amacher of Wauwatosa, Wis., thought his ex-girlfriend had cooked up the meeting to get them back together. When the Homeowner's Concept salesperson arrived at the house, the seller called out, "Come in. I'm in the kitchen." Although her back was to him, Amacher could see the seller's reflection—that of his former girlfriend, Charlene—in a nearby mirror. "Thinking the listing appointment was just a ploy to get to see me again, I rushed in, swung her around, and kissed her," Amacher recalls. The wide-eyed seller asked whether he gave all prospects such special treatment, and then she introduced herself. She was his ex-girlfriend's twin sister. Once his beet-red face returned to normal, Amacher was able to write up the listing. "I never did get to see Charlene, though," he says. --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau A Glowing Listing Last year a buyer asked me to draw up some papers and bring them to his house in the evening. He gave me his address and said, I’ll leave the light on for you.” As I drove up to his home that night, I noticed the light on and saw his address—528—clearly illuminated on the house. But when I rang the doorbell, a woman answered and asked whether she could help me. I told her I had come for a signature, and she said, “You have the right number but the wrong street. This is 528 Crescent, and he lives at 528 Terrace.” Naturally, I apologized, but she said, “What a coincidence! My husband just got transferred to Akron, Ohio, and we want to sell our house.” I listed their home, and it sold the following week. It seems I was at the wrong place at the right time. Michael S. Becka Realty One Willowick, Ohio A Dream Listing After we had opened our office, we hired a friend to install FOR SALE signs on our new listings. One morning, a surprised homeowner called our company wishing to speak with the broker. On awaking, she had found a brand-new FOR SALE sign in her front yard. Our friend had accidentally put the sign at a house on 18th Terrace instead of 18th Street. Fortunately, the owner wasn’t angry. She said she had been thinking about selling her home. When she awoke and saw the sign, she called us immediately and asked us to bring over a listing agreement. Michael Larson Century 21—All Keys, Inc. Key West, Fla. Troubled Over Water A seller at a closing thought he might have paid his water bill twice, so he called home to ask his daughter to look through his checkbook. The seller dialed a phone number and when someone answered, he immediately said, “Go to my bedroom and look in the top dresser drawer, where you’ll find my checkbook. Look through the check stubs and see whether you can find a check payable to the water department. There may be two stubs.” Then there was a long pause, followed by, “What? Oh, sorry. I must have the wrong number.” We all had a good laugh and closed the transaction. Julius Cohn Hallmark & Johnson Properties, Ltd. Chicago X-tra Marketing Tips When I take a new listing, I lend the sellers a videotape that features tips for showing and staging homes while their properties are on the market. On one occasion when I needed to lend a tape, I found that all my copies were out with sellers. I asked my assistant to retrieve one copy and take it to a seller who had just listed. The next day the new seller called me. “Peter, about that video you had us watch…,” the seller started. I interrupted and rambled on about the helpful techniques for staging a home described on the tape. But the seller broke in again. “When the woman on the tape started to take off her clothes, we thought perhaps we had the wrong video.” When I realized the video in question, I realized that the previous viewer had mistakenly placed an X-rated movie in the home tips video cover. Fortunately, the new sellers got a laugh out of the mix-up. And they didn’t take any of the “staging” advice offered on the video. Peter S. Cattle Windermere Real Estate Bothell, Wash. That’s No Park During my first year selling real estate, I offered to hold an open house at another salesperson’s listing. Unfortunately, since I was green, I neglected to learn as much about the neighborhood as I should have. While talking to a young couple who had come to look at the home, I said, “And look, there’s a view of the park from the kitchen window.” The young man looked puzzled and asked, “Do you mean the cemetery? Louise Neufeld RE/MAX Masters Inc. Englewood, Colo. A Priceless Error A new salesperson with our company saw a homemade FOR SALE sign in the front yard of a home. Thinking he had stumbled on a FSBO, the salesperson stopped to talk with the owners about listing their home with him. The new salesperson received his first listing. By the way, the sellers were selling watermelons, not the house. Mack Jones Towne Square Realty Stone Mountain, Ga. Another Tale About Look-Alike Subdivisions One afternoon a group of raucous college students walked into the office looking for rental properties.The previous day a local landlord had asked us to rent out his house. I had talked with the man but had never met him. When I described the house to the students, they thought it sounded perfect. It was located in an area where many of the homes, developed by the same builder, looked alike. When we arrived, the husband was on the roof, and I waved and said, “Nice to finally meet you.” He glanced down at me with a befuddled look. Since the front door was open, I didn’t use the keys. My prospects were loud and made rude comments, and when we entered the kitchen, where the man’s wife was reading the newspaper, one of them opened the refrigerator door and glanced inside. The wife looked shocked but said nothing. One of the kids commented, “I don’t like this house,” and on the way back to the car, he yelled up to the man, “We ain’t interested!” Again the man looked completely dumbfounded. As we were driving away, I glanced at the address on the key tag. I had visited the right house number but the wrong street. Alan J. Korik Price Real Estate Ventnor, N.J. Carpet Caper Priscilla W. Sheeley, a sales-person with Long & Foster Real Estate Inc., Fredericksburg, Va., arrived at one of her listings and found that the carpeting—all of it—had disappeared. Sheeley called the police, and the dispatcher said, "The carpet is gone? All gone?" Sheeley said, "Yes, all gone." A police deputy came to the townhouse, checked it out, and after investigating said incredulously, "It's all gone!" Sheeley had almost the exact conversation with her broker, the office manager, and the property's owner. The mystery was solved a few days later. A carpet installation had been ordered for the same house number on another street in the same subdivision. The installer found that his key wouldn't unlock the door, so, undaunted, he pried open the sliding glass door and tore out the old carpet. --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau Is the Dummy Home? I was a little concerned when I arrived at a home and found the back door unlocked, because I knew that the owner was out of town. My prospects and I entered cautiously. As we approached the living room, one of them screamed. Seated on the couch was a mannequin wearing a wig and a shawl, with a TV tray and plates arranged in front of her. Evidently, the owner wanted neighbors to think someone was home—even if it was a dummy. Wayne Harding Wackerli Realty, Inc. Idaho Falls, Idaho A Penny-Ante Bonus One weekend I sold a home and needed some signatures on a sales agreement, so I went to the sellers’ house very early one morning. Before I entered, I took off my shoes and left them in the long, dark foyer. When I was in my office later that morning, the homeowner called and asked whether I was wearing loafers with pennies in them. I said yes. She said, “I think you took my husband’s shoes.” I looked down at my feet, and, to my surprise, she was right. I joked that if she’d look at the fine print in the sales contract, she’d see that the shoes were my bonus for selling their home. Larry Stevens Northwood Realty-Better Homes and Gardens Allison Park, Pa. Shades of Mrs. Cravits To generate prospects proactively for his sellers' listings, Frank Sandrovich, Century 21—Donald & Associates, Fort Washington, Md., distributes flyers in his area asking residents to "pick your new neighbor." The flyers explain that a house has just come on the market and residents can contact Sandrovich if they have a friend, relative, or coworker who might be interested. Sandrovich got more than he bargained for from a woman who lives across the street from one of his listings and took the flyer literally. "As I talked to her, I realized she didn't have a lead for me. Instead she wanted to serve on a committee that would decide who should move into the neighborhood. She didn't want any ruffians on her street. She put a whole new spin on Neighborhood Watch programs." --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau It's Only Money … If you've ever shelled out some cash for an expense you didn't anticipate, you may find comfort in these war stories. Companies located in wintry climes know that major office expenses aren't usually E&O insurance premiums or tuxedo rentals for the top producers' ball. What really gets you are those spring plumbing bills. I'm talking about the bills that arrive long after a salesperson has jammed a FOR SALE sign into a tundra-like front yard and sold the home. Months later, during the spring thaw, the salesperson has to reimburse the buyers for bursting an irrigation sprinkler line with the spiky sign. The quickest way to locate an underground pipe is to list a property and watch where the salesperson sticks a yard sign. Broken sprinkler pipes pale in cost to the bill one salesperson received from a client after holding an open house at the listing. The salesperson took her teenage daughter and the daughter's friend along to dress up the pool during the open. The young ladies, quite adept at an innovation called the 900 number, spent the afternoon reaching out and touching new friends all over the country for up to $3.98 a minute--plus tax. They even made a few calls for products and services that would curl Mom's hair. This gaffe allegedly cost the salesperson about $150. ''If you won't pay for the furnace oil at closing, we'll pump it out of the tank!'' raged a salesperson to a buyer. When the buyer declined to pay, the salesperson, in a fit of pique, mistakenly gave the oil company the wrong address. Alas, the company sucked the next-door neighbor's furnace tank dry. Our hotheaded salesperson had to replace the neighbor's oil and pay double time to have it delivered well after midnight when the mix-up finally got sorted out. Those E&O insurance and tuxedo rental bills probably seem pretty tame by now. It takes a practitioner with panache to make a Who's Who list like this. --Karl Breckenridge, owner-broker of Breckenridge Realty Co., Reno, Nev. Humor, next page > | |