 | | Prepackaged Sales Meetings Facilitator Resources | | ||
|  Open Houses General Business Guerilla Marketing Buyers . . . Beware Sorry, Right Number Showing Nightmares Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm Property Management Issues Life with Animals The Darndest Things Mistaken Identities Home Improvement Cops! Car Trouble More Resources: Running Great Meetings Facilitator References | Humorous Anecdotes: Buyers . . . Beware All in the Family An experience of Kamla Bhikhari, a salesperson with Paschal & Associates Realty, Miami, gives new meaning to the words caravan and multiple offers. Bhikhari arrived at a prospect's house to take him to see properties, only to find about 30 people in the house. She thought she'd crashed a party. Nonetheless, the prospect got into the car with her, and the two of them took off. When Bhikhari looked in the rearview mirror, she noticed that several carloads of people were following them. After touring the fourth property, the prospect said, "I'd like to make offers on the first, third, and fourth houses." Bhikhari explained the process of presenting only one offer at a time and then moving on to the second choice if the first deal falls through. The prospect's reply: "You don't understand. I want all three houses. They're for my sisters who just arrived from my country with their families." Something to Talk About E.E. Bayliss Jr. was as patient as possible. But he had just made a listing presentation to a woman who was a nonstop talker, and he had to go. "I listened to her for about an hour and then informed her that I had another appointment," recalls the broker-owner of E.E. Bayliss Jr., REALTOR®, Winchester, Va. "She was still talking as I left the kitchen for the porch," he says. "I backed out of the house, down the steps, and slid my hand along the car until I found the door handle-all the while listening to her talking." "I opened the car door, got in, and, to my embarrassment, found myself sitting in the backseat." That probably gave the client something else to talk about. --By Elyse Umlauf-Garneau For the Never-Assume-Anything File If you like to help prospects visualize a house as it could be, take a lesson in semantics from Victoria E. Claussen. The salesperson with Fred Sands First Class Real Estate, Burbank, Calif., knew she had prospects interested in one property. ''They liked the home's interior, they were verbally arranging the furniture, and we were bonding,'' she recalls. Then Claussen took them to the backyard, which included a fire pit. To capitalize on their interest and help them visualize the backyard's potential, Claussen said, ''Can't you just smell the steaks cooking?'' After a long pause, the now sour-faced couple replied, ''No. We're vegetarians.'' Claussen now uses the more politically correct, ''Can't you smell the barbecue?'' By the way, the prospects did buy through Claussen six months later, but that home didn't have a barbecue. --Christina Hoffman Spira Is a Commission Worth This? Barry Lintt may have found buyers from hell. While the salesperson with Cal-West Realty, San Carlos, Calif., showed houses to the buyers, their children ran amok through the properties—slamming doors and screaming. One evening, when he was at the buyers' house getting papers signed, he left his unlocked briefcase out of sight. When he went to retrieve it, the buyers' children had reset the combination and locked him out. ''So much for my favorite briefcase,'' he says. Eventually, Lintt helped the buyers close on a new home and he listed and sold their old home—but the abuse wasn't over. ''Their little girl came over to me, put her arm around my neck, and said, 'You know, you really are fatter than Santa Claus,''' he recalls. ''My resolution: Lose weight and sell commercial real estate.'' --Christina Hoffman Spira I Simply Can't Move Without My Petrified Buffalo Dung! Think you go above and beyond to close a deal? Get a load of the items that transferees wanted corporate relocation departments to move, according to Runzheimer International, a relocation consultancy in Rochester, Wis. Items Not Allowed to Be Moved · Cannon · Pigpens · Petrified buffalo dung · A husband's girlfriend's household goods · Enough baseball cards to fill a 9-by-12 room · Deceased pet buried in backyard · Haystacks · Frozen dead squirrel · A live gorilla · A pair of llamas Is there no shame? Here are a few more requests that relocation staff have endured: One man wanted someone to help his wife sort her clothing because she had so much. A woman asked for two moving crews---one to work inside and the other outside---so that her rugs wouldn't get dirty. An employee asked his company to buy him a new pair of shoes because he had to walk to work in his new location. --Christina Hoffman Spira From the Police Blotter Ann M. Barry thought her fourth go-around with a buyer couple would be a charm. The St. Louis-based McLaughlin Group, REALTORS®, salesperson had tried to close the deal three times. But the buyers were always short of cash. Barry finally thought she had everything nailed down: the buyers' cash was at the mortgage company, the papers were drawn up, and the closing date was set. But the wife arrived at the closing crying and without her husband. He had been arrested. Although the police wouldn't bring the husband to the mortgage company, Barry, the lender, and the closing attorney were undaunted. They trooped to the jail, were frisked, and managed to close only an hour late, says Barry, who's now known around the office as Jailhouse Annie. --Christina Hoffman Spira The Perfect Closing Gift: An Atlas? Judy McKinney has good reason to consider issuing area maps to buyers after closing. The Gloucester, Va.-based Century 21-Country Estates salesperson spent two days showing an out-of-town couple a slew of houses. They found a home, signed a contract, and left town. McKinney didn't see them again until the closing. "I thanked them, and then we went our separate ways. Or so I thought. "I was eating dinner later that evening when my pager went off. It was the couple. They apologized for interrupting me and started laughing nervously. Finally they composed themselves enough to say, 'We can't find our new house. After looking at so many houses, we're so confused we can't remember where ours is.'" McKinney met them and guided them to their new home. --Christina Hoffman Spira Explicit Move In If you've ever had trouble scheduling a closing, you can empathize with Gary Karnes, CRS®. The sales manager and senior vice president with Lindsey & Associates Inc., REALTORS®, Fayetteville, Ark., recalls that a salesperson once mistakenly set a closing for a Sunday. By default, the closing was then bumped to the next day—Monday. But the buyers demanded closing and possession before that weekend. Here's the sellers' compromise, which the buyers accepted and, amazingly, followed to the letter. "The sellers agree to close on Friday provided possession is given on Saturday in the following manner: Buyers can move personal property into the garage and the den at 9 a.m. provided the buyers' moving van doesn't block the driveway until after 3 p.m. Buyers agree to use the garage entrance to the residence to move their belongings. "Sellers will use the front entrance of the home to exit with their belongings and will park their vehicle on the side of the driveway nearest the front door. The other side of the driveway may be used by the buyers. If the buyers can't agree to this, the sellers are prepared to close on Monday." Aren't you glad you weren't the movers? --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau No Place like Home I wasn’t having any success showing homes to a buyer, so in desperation I arranged for her to see a house that had been on the market a long time. Once we got inside, I knew why it had been on the market for so long. The place was a mess. Food was spilled on the floor, dirty dishes were stacked in the sink, and the purple walls in the home would have turned off most buyers. I apologized to the buyer, but her face lighted up. “I like it,” she said. “It reminds me of the house I grew up in.” June Dilley Northwood Realty Co.—Better Homes and Gardens Pittsburgh, Pa. E.T. and Me The real estate business provides lots of opportunities to meet interesting people. Recently I worked with a buyer who believed that he had been abducted by a UFO. I affectionately referred to him as E.T. to my co-workers. When he made an offer on a home and the sellers accepted, I called the office and said, “E.T. bought home! E.T. bought home!” Fran Burdette RE/MAX-Executive Realty Bossier City, La. Bare-It All Closing I attended an early morning closing with buyers who were purchasing a brick home on a six-acre tract of land. As I got up from the closing table, the button that held my silk skirt together popped off unbeknownst to me. I was headed to another closing, so my arms were loaded with several files. As I shifted the files, something happened that I’ll never forget. Four steps outside the closing room door, in a waiting room full of people, my skirt fell to the floor. There I was in my heels, hose, and girdle. I bent down quickly, picked up my skirt and headed for the nearby rest room. One gentleman in the waiting room covered his eyes and said, “We’re not looking.” Everyone else was staring in disbelief. One of the buyers from the closing who witnessed the scene said, “Louise, what would you do for an encore if I bought a home on 100 acres?” I laughed—much later, of course. Louise Roggillio Century 21—Roggillio Realty Inc. Winnsboro, Texas Pardon Me While I Scream I was a new salesperson, it was a bright summer day, and I was working with my first “ninja” buyer; she had said, “Show me everything in this price range, and do it all in three hours.” The two-story home was the 50th house I had shown her that week. As we left through the garage, I grasped the garage door handle and reached up and grabbed the door by placing my fingers in an open crack formed by the segmented panels of the door. I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to get my fingers out before the door closed. But as luck would have it, the buyer asked a question just when I needed to move my fingers, and the door closed. For a brief moment, we looked at each other and then at the door with its firm grip on four of my fingers. The buyer asked whether I was all right. I said I thought so, but the drops of blood at the end of my fingernails said otherwise. She smiled and said, “Good, because I have only a few more questions.” After she had finished with her questions and driven away, I headed to the local emergency room. My fingers felt as though they had been crushed by a hammer, but, fortunately, they were fine. By the way, the buyer never bought any of the homes I showed her. David C. Rodwell Coldwell Banker-Vaughan & Co. Richmond, Va. Humor, next page > | |