 | | Prepackaged Sales Meetings Facilitator Resources | | ||
|  Open Houses General Business Guerilla Marketing Buyers . . . Beware Sorry, Right Number Showing Nightmares Wit, Wisdom, and Sarcasm Property Management Issues Life with Animals The Darndest Things Mistaken Identities Home Improvement Cops! Car Trouble More Resources: Running Great Meetings Facilitator References | Humorous Anecdotes: Life with Animals Monkey Business As a buyer and I arrived at a showing, the seller surprised us by answering the door with a monkey on his shoulder. Fortunately, the buyer said she wasn’t afraid of animals. However, as we entered the house, the monkey hopped on her shoulder, took off her wig, and ran up the chimney. The three of us got down on our hands and knees trying to get it to come down. Finally, the seller and I looked at the buyer and started to laugh. Being a good sport, she laughed, too. Eventually, we got the wig back from the monkey. And when the buyer bought the home, the seller gave her the monkey as a closing gift. Theresa Latshaw Friendly Hills Realty Inc. Whittier, Calif. Monkey Business II Practitioners are used to monkey business when toddlers accompany parents during the homebuying process. But how about when the toddlers actually are monkeys? Betsy Tyler, a salesperson with Hallmark Real Estate of Lake City Inc., Lake City, Fla., had to contend with a couple who insisted on bringing along their two diaper-clad monkeys toting juice boxes. The monkeys—together with an essential bag of baby accessories—escorted the group on home visits, the final walk-through, and the closing. But it was the formal, stiff attorney at the closing table whom Tyler found the most amusing aspect of the experience. He pretended not to notice the two long, hairy arms resting on the table next to him. It Wasn't a Mouse That Roared You'd think the meaning of "no pets" in a lease would be pretty clear to most renters. But some, it seems, are truly confused. Connie A. Randel, GRI, a salesperson with Century 21-Crist Realty Inc., Glen Burnie, Md., relates the story of her parents—property managers for an apartment complex. They received a call from an hysterical resident one night claiming he'd spotted a full-grown lion walking in the parking lot. "Couldn't be," said the managers. Then others reported hearing strange sounds—roaring, to be exact—coming from a unit. After some investigation, the managers found that a tenant had gotten a lion cub. But as the creature grew, it needed more exercise than was available in the confines of the one-bedroom unit. The owner remedied the problem by taking the animal out for strolls in the parking lot at 2 a.m. Ya Live, Ya Learn JoAnn Matthews of Century 21-Act I Realty, St. Cloud, Fla., rang the doorbell at her first listing as a rookie and saw a sign reading "This property is protected by SHIH TZU." She dutifully recorded the information on her MLS sheet, thinking SHIH TZU was the brand name of the seller's burglar alarm. "I don't have a security system," the owner said, looking over the listing contract. "Shih Tzu is the breed of my dog." --Elyse Umlauf-Garneau Dogs Have White Teeth, Right? I’m terrified of dogs, so I always keep a bag of biscuits in my pocket in case I have to distract one and get away. I also carry a stash of crayons to amuse prospects’ kids. One day a large German Shepherd bounded out the front door of a house I was showing and jumped up and planted its oversized paws on my shoulders. It was just being overly friendly, but it scared me to the bone. I reached into my pocket and tossed a goodie on the ground. The dog crunched it up in record time and came racing back for more. When it jumped on me again, I was face-to-face with a big drooling mouth with red-and-blue teeth. I had tossed the wrong treat its way. Sheryl Tilley Realty Wizards Prescott, Ariz. What Did You Call Me? I stopped to renew a listing owned by avid bird-watchers. After letting me in, the wife, who was carrying binoculars, called out to her husband, “Gene, that hairy woodpecker is here. Come on up.” I really felt insulted until they rushed to the backyard to watch a tiny bird pecking at a tree. Just to be safe, I got a haircut on the way home. Jo Taylor Realty One Westlake, Ohio As the Pink Panther’s Clouseau Says, "It’s Not My Dog." When I opened the gate of a house I was showing, a small dog scurried out. The MLS didn’t have any pet warnings, but we felt that it was our responsibility to return the dog to the owners’ yard. The playful dog kept its distance, barking and bounding around for 20 minutes while we tried to catch it. The owner, who saw the entire episode through a window, finally yelled out, “Don’t worry, that’s not our dog.” Nelson Brown Blue Chip Properties Mobile, Ala. Who Let the Cat Out? Before we showed a townhouse to our colleagues, we warned them, “Make sure the cat, Crystal, doesn’t escape.” During the tour, we noticed that someone had left the door ajar. But since no one had seen Crystal escape, we decided she must be in the house, so we left. “Stop the car!” a salesperson yelled just as we hit the road. “The cat’s in the yard!” We jumped out of the car, and the chase began. Finally, we captured the frisky feline. That night we related Crystal’s escape and capture to her owner. “Well,” he said, “that explains why there were two white cats here when I got home!” Barbara McAdoo and Lynn Larson The Condo Marketplace Atlanta Negotiation Goes to the Dog One Sunday morning I met with a young couple who were new to my area to show them rental property. Before making a commitment, they wanted to drive from one of the properties to their respective new offices to time the distance and then meet me later. After I had left them, I picked up my dog. Cuddles, a small gray Lhasa apso—poodle mix. While Cuddles and I were running errands, the couple called me on my portable phone and said they were ready to go over the lease and asked to meet me at my office in 15 minutes. Since it was a shorter distance to the office than to my home, I took Cuddles along. She sat quietly on a chair in my office. As we finished going over the lease, the husband said that he’d like to offer a lower rental amount than the owner was asking. Just as he mentioned the amount, Cuddles raised her head and made a noise that sounded like “Oh no!” The young man turned to me and said, “It doesn’t sound as if Cuddles thinks that’ll work.” I replied, “She’s usually right.” We wrote a lease at full price, and Cuddles got a treat. I’m now trying to find a home for them to buy—and I plan to take Cuddles along. Sandy Wood Gloria Lennox & Associates Scottsdale, Ariz. Time for a Treat My husband and I work as a sales team, and one day we were showing a house about lunchtime. As my stomach growled, I looked around for a candy dish. (We appreciate sellers who keep goodies on hand for showings.) I spied a dainty blue dish filled with what looked like pretzels. After I had popped one into my mouth, I noticed a cute dog pillow and various leashes in the room. It suddenly dawned on me that I had just eaten a dog treat. Later we looked at a home that had real candy. Since we were all hungry by that time, we sampled the candy. When my husband finally asked, “Are we ready to break for lunch?” I replied, “I just had a dog treat and a candy bar. I can go all afternoon” Sandra S. Lewis RE/MAX—Foothills Clemson, S.C. A Bird of Good Omen Once when I showed a couple a house, the wife fell in love with the interior, but the husband was concerned about the condition of the roof. So he called his brother who lived nearby and asked him to bring a ladder. In no time, we were all on the roof. After the husband had decided it was in good shape, he asked about mortgage terms. That’s when I decided to close the sale right there on the roof. At a crucial point in the decision, a blue jay landed on my head! We were all startled and decided to get off the roof. The couple left laughing—without discussing finance further. But the husband phoned me the next morning and offered to buy the house at full price. He explained that because he and his brother were natives of Toronto and Blue Jays fans, they interpreted the incident as a sign to buy. Donna L. Kinney Toucan Investments Inc. Englewood, Fla. Birdbrained Seller I took some buyers to a home I was to show them and knocked on the door. A voice said, “Just a minute.” So I waited. No one came, so I knocked again. The voice repeated, “Just a minute.” But still no one came to the door. I unlocked it, went inside, and called out, “Is anyone home?” As I peeked into a room off the foyer, I was surprised to find a mynah bird glaring at me from its cage. The bird talked throughout the showing. As we were leaving, the bird made one more comment: “I’m a ba-a-a-a-d bird.” Rhonda M. Bartow Century 21—Zwygart Real Estate Monroe, Wis. No Way Out A buyer called and asked me to show him a property. I said that I’d meet him at my office, and he showed up with another man and a boy. When we arrived at the house, I knocked on the front door. Since no one answered, I opened the door and called out, “Is anybody home?” A little dog greeted us, and we went inside. As I was showing them through the house, we walked into a small bedroom. One of the men left the room, but he soon came running back, slamming the door behind him and screaming. “The dog almost bit me. He won’t let us out.” Looking around, we noticed a window. The boy climbed out, but at that point, another boy abruptly appeared outside the bedroom door yelling, “What are you doing in there?” We explained that we were trapped by the dog. The boy said he lived there and hurried to let us out. And when we were finally safely out of the bedroom, I asked the boy, “Would your dog really have bitten us?” He smiled back proudly and said, “Yep.” Kathy Zabel Century 21—House & Farm Realty Inc. Lincoln, Neb. The Ugly Ducklings One day some salespeople from the office drove in a ten-car caravan to see a home in the country. As we pulled into the driveway of the home, two large geese ran up to our cars honking and hissing. Then the geese started biting the wheels and sides of our cars. Since we were all too afraid to get out, we just waited until the seller had chased the geese away with a garden hose. Once we had the courage, we got out of our cars and looked through the house. When we were back on the front porch, the geese suddenly charged into our group from around the side of the house. Salespeople ran screaming in every direction to get away from them. We finally returned to the sanctuary of our cars. But that’s one caravan I’ll never forget—not just because of the geese but also because of how fast some of the salespeople could run. Susan G. Gunnell Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate Douglasville, Ga. Straight from the Mynah’s Mouth A few years ago I listed a rural property that a salesperson from a large metro office wrote an offer on. One evening the salesperson came in from the city, and we went to present the offer to the seller. When we arrived at the seller’s home, four vicious-looking dogs barked at us. And once inside, we found an array of animals, including fish, birds and a large boa constrictor. The salesperson looked a little nervous. Finally, with hesitation, the salesperson began to read the offer, but he suddenly stopped short when someone yelled, “Shut up, you stupid (expletive deleted).” The stunned salesperson stared at the stammering, red faced seller. “It wasn’t me,” the seller said. “It was my mynah bird.” After the laughter had subsided and the seller had taken the bird out of the room, the salesperson read the offer, and it was accepted. Steve Mendenhall Curry County Realty Harbor, Ore. Hounded Down Since no one was home when I went to preview a listing, I let myself in. I knew that the owner kept a large dog in the backyard, but I still had to go back there. When I got to the yard, the dog clipped me and pushed me to the ground. As I tried to get up, the dog put its paw in the middle of my back and licked my entire face and neck. I called for help, but to no avail. Finally, when the dog had finished licking me to its satisfaction, it let me up. When I stood up, the dog offered me its paw to shake hands. I could tell that it had played the game before and thoroughly enjoyed it. As for me, I had to make a fast trip to the beauty salon. Helen Asimos The Connection, REALTORS® Texarkana, Texas Dracula and Buddies Cause Legal Flap WINSTON-SALEM, N.C.- A Forsyth County Superior Court jury found that two real estate salespeople didn't know that up to 100 bats were hanging around in the house they sold to an unsuspecting buyer last March. The owners were held responsible for failing to disclose that a bat colony was spending daylight hours in the $162,500 abode, according to the Greensboro (N.C.) News & Record. The jury awarded the buyer $1,500 for moving expenses, $1,000 for pest-control bills, $1,200 for furniture repair, and $12,500 in damages. However, the jury didn't annul the sales contract, as the buyer had requested. The former owners reported in a brief that they had the house treated in 1994 after noticing three or four bats. --Walt Albro Only the Finest Pedigree Will Do Imagine being referred to a buyer seeking a home in the $1 million range. Sharon Altman didn't have to. The Marlboro, N.J.-based Coldwell Banker-Schlott, REALTORS®, salesperson was squired by a wealthy couple to various properties either in their limousine or in their Rolls-Royce. On one of the househunting expeditions, Altman sat in the back of the car with the couple's bichon frise, Sassy. "As we started out, the couple remarked that Sassy had excellent taste and that wherever she decided to 'do her thing' would be the house they'd buy," Altman says. Altman selected several homes to view that day, including one of her own listings priced at $1.45 million. After the three had looked at the listing and returned to the Rolls, they found that Sassy had done her thing in the backseat. Altman reminded them about their earlier comment, and they did indeed buy the house. "For her undeniable taste," Altman says, "I brought a gift basket for Sassy to the closing." --Christina Hoffman Spira Guard Snakes A couple came into my office to pre-qualify for a home purchase. While trying to determine their house needs, I asked whether they kept any pets. “Yes,” the wife replied. “We have two boas and one python.” I was at a loss for words. Her husband added, “They make wonderful pets. You don’t have to exercise them, they don’t mess up the house, and they’re marvelous house guards.” “Really?” I managed to say. “Our house has been broken into twice,” he explained. “We came home and found the front door wide open on both occasions. The intruders must have left in a big hurry, because nothing was ever taken.” Lois E. Geer Century 21—Big State Real Estate Lubbock, Texas One-sided Conversation When I was helping a young couple find a home, I knocked on the door of one home and then rang the bell. There was no answer, so I unlocked the door. I had taken but a few steps inside when I heard what sounded like an old woman ask, “Michael?” I answered that I was a salesperson who had come to show the house. A few seconds of silence followed before I heard “Michael?” again. Somewhat louder that time, I repeated my reply. Again, I heard the inevitable question “Michael?” Exasperated, I asked the prospects to wait while I ventured forth to speak to the owner. Imagine my embarrassment when I realized that I had spent the past few minutes talking to a parrot! Beatriz Daniel Hernandez Realty West New York, N.J. Salespeople Flee Auto Because it’s our office policy that you can’t sell what you haven’t seen, I took my fellow salespeople to preview a condominium I had listed. It was raining, so we ran quickly to the car after viewing the condo. That’s when a colleague glanced down at her white pants and yelled, “Fleas!” I started to laugh, but then I looked down and saw fleas on my legs, too. You never saw a car empty so fast. Who knows what the neighbors thought of a carload of salespeople jumping around in the pouring rain trying to de-flea themselves? The worst part was that we had to compose ourselves and continue to other properties, hoping that we had left our fleas behind. After I had the condo exterminated, it sold. Kathleen McNamara Coldwell Banker –Ashton Kilgore Amherst, N.H. A Smashing Sale At one of my listings, I was talking to some buyers when the owners’ dog brought me a huge rock—it was so big. I don’t know how he carried it—and dropped it at my feet. He frequently brings his owners a rock or stick to throw for him. I patted him on the head, picked up the rock, and gave it a hearty toss—shattering the windshield of the buyers’ car. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t speak. The dog tucked his tail between his legs and skulked away. Thank goodness for buyers with a good sense of humor. The final result? They bought the house. “Punkin” Stutts Gold Key Realty Inc. Lexington, N.C. Dog Wrangling The seller of one of my listings owned two prized Newfoundland dogs. If they should escape during a showing, it would be my hide, he informed me.I arrived about 20 minutes early one rainy day to meet another salesperson and a couple of buyers at the home. Imagine my horror at finding the dogs missing. I searched the property inside and out, but to no avail. I figured the dogs might have escaped as I drove my car through the electric gate. It seemed that not only would I lose my hide but the listing as well. Finally, I called the owner in a panic. He asked me to check his answering machine. There were about five messages from neighbors who had seen the dogs running loose all morning. The seller begged me to find his dogs. I called all the neighbors back and finally tracked down the dogs at one of the homes. I rushed to that house a few blocks away, where I found two 160-pound, soaking-wet, slobbering, mud-covered beasts that were only too happy to jump into my brand-new car. I drove them home and couldn’t help but laugh at the look on the salesperson’s and prospects’ faces as I emerged from the car—drenched and accompanied by two muddy cohorts. The prospects didn’t buy the house, but the owner was so happy with my performance—I even fixed the broken gate through which the dogs had escaped—that he deemed me his salesperson for life. Lisa Kim Gutman RE/MAX-Grand Central Tarzana, Calif. Sign of Trouble For a while, Bonnie Esposito was receiving a call a week from a seller in a rural area near Akron, Ohio, who reported that his real estate sign kept getting destroyed. Esposito, who at the time was working as a closing secretary but is now with Prudential Krause Realty, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, assumed some kids had torn and mutilated the cardboard sign as a prank. But after the listing salesperson continued to put up replacement signs and they kept getting shredded, Esposito wondered whether someone didn't want the home sold. "The salesperson was getting a complex, too," she says. Finally, the salesperson took a metal sign to the property. When he arrived, he caught the culprit red-hoofed. "One of the seller's goats was making an afternoon snack out of the sign," Esposito says. --Christina Hoffmann Spira Available: Five Acres and a Seller You never know how people will pull together until there's a crisis. Darrel J. Johnson, of RE/MAX-Horizon, Elgin, Ill., listed a five-acre property that included a 12-stall barn, which housed some of the 50 German shepherds the seller raised. "When an acceptable offer came in, the seller assured me he'd find another kennel and be out within 60 days," Johnson says. It became apparent he wasn't going to be out in time. "The attorneys thought there'd be a lawsuit instead of a closing," Johnson says. But at the closing, the buyers told the seller, "Our son isn't moving in for a month, and our horses will be boarded elsewhere. So you can stay with us until you find a place," Johnson recalls. How's that for a solution to a possession problem? --Christina Hoffmann Spira Humor, next page > | |